Locus of Control

control

I just learned what locus of control is in my therapy session tonight. In personality psychology, locus of control refers to the extent in which individuals believe they can control events affecting them.

Internal vs. External Locus of Control

Individuals, such as myself, with a strong internal locus of control believe events in their life derive primarily from their own actions: for example, when receiving exam results, people with an internal locus of control tend to praise or blame themselves and their abilities. Where as people with a strong external locus of control tend to praise or blame external factors such as the teacher or the exam.

I didn’t always have internal locus of control. Several years ago, I blamed everything else in my surrounding for my self-inflicting pain as a borderline and I used to praise others for their help in getting me promoted at work. During my recovery and personal development, I am changing and can feel it.

As someone with BPD, I have always struggled with unstable interpersonal relationships. I used to think that the person I was dating or the friends that I had were causing the pain in my life or I would praise them for my success, “without them I would be nowhere”. It was a sense of external LOC. I’m not saying that everyone with BPD has external LOC, I just know this to be true for me based on my personal experience.

Over the last year of my recovery I have learned that when I have an episode, or when I get issued a verbal warning at work for example, that it’s all me. Nobody else. My boss isn’t an asshole (although he may be at times), he’s just essentially doing his job. If I get promoted at work, it’s because of all MY hard work. I’ve switched my focus from external to internal LOC and I didn’t even realize it until my therapist said something. I am accountable for my actions and mistakes. I thought this was really interesting.

Do you have BPD? If so, would you consider yourself to have internal or external locus of control? Do you hold yourself accountable for things that are in your control?

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Negative Behaviors You Should Not Allow in Your Life

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Have you ever felt like you deserve something better? Then why settle for something less than you desire? You can decide from now that you won’t tolerate bad behavior in your life. People who try to bring you down suck the life from you and leave you feeling miserable. Why would you accept that when you can eliminate similar types of behavior? If you want to change how people are treating you and detox your life from the negativity, here are 6 behaviors you should not allow in your life.

  1. Negativity.

We live in a world where the problems of people can actually bring them closer rather than their successes. Most people are not only comfortable to share their problem but this has also become a way to make friends. Whenever you hear someone trying to start a conversation with you using negativity as a catalyst, remind yourself that you don’t need more drama in your life. Choose your health over that, choose to stay in your “positivity bubble” rather than feeding your soul with unresourceful energy.

  1. Underestimating your abilities and strength

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t achieve something you want. Stay true to yourself and to your dreams. Don’t quit just because someone thinks differently than you. The important thing is you to believe in your potential. You are strong enough to pursue your most desirable ambitions.

  1. Lies.

Paying attention to what people say and what they do in reality will definitely help you see who the honest people in your life are. If you get caught in a person’s  trap of lies once, that is a sign that must remind you to be more careful next time you communicate with them. And remember- actions speak louder than words.

  1. Bullying.

Bullying is not a problem just among kids and teenagers. It is a very common issue for adults, too. Many people just don’t recognize it because it is usually disguised as verbal aggression or other types of intolerant behavior. Bullying is not something that should just be accepted. Nobody has the right to make you feel bad for who you truly are. Unfortunately, there will always be people who try to bring others down by saying mean words. This kind of people will try their best to bring your ego to the ground but it is your responsibility not to let that happen. At first, it may seem frightening to fight back their toxic behavior but you will be glad you did. So, be aware of people who are trying to make you feel inferior. But also take note that bullying can even come from the most unexpected people, for example, your friends or family. Be alert of how others are treating you and when necessary, confront them.

  1. Others taking control over your life

You are the architect of your own world. Why would you let anyone else decide how to manage your life? Of course, it is human to feel out of control and ask someone to help you find your way back on the track but don’t let them take charge of your life..

  1. Physical violence and abuse

If you are a physical abuse survivor or have been the block between an abuser and someone close to you, if you tried to forgive and to move on with your life, you are a hero! Most people know that physical violence is a serious issue that should never be ignored and you must never tolerate such behavior but it is still surprising how many families and relationships are going through this right now. So, if you know someone who is struggling with this or has had such an experience before, give him a helping hand and encourage them to let go of their past, anger so that they can move on with their life the healthy way.

You are a sum of your life choices, so choose wisely what kind of behaviors towards yourself you tolerate. Remember that you are in charge of your life and that you are stronger than you think. Live well and don’t settle for anything less than you desire.

Day 9: BPD Challenge (Mood Swings)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 9: Do you get mood swings?

I get mood swings just like any other girl, especially due to PMS. However, sometimes my mood swings can be a lot worst than others especially if I do not stay consistent with my medication. I usually have an awful episode once every couple months and it is always during PMS. During these episodes, I become very irritable, sad, I think everyone is out to get me and talk crap about me. I have this overwhelming fear that everyone hates me. I will cry uncontrollably and push everyone away from me.

My most recent episode was two weeks ago. I couldn’t control my emotions but I did control my actions. I embraced the episode, realized I was very emotional. I took a step back and decided that I was going to cancel all my plans for the weekend (BIG plans that I was so excited about!) and I was going to stay home alone, not have any alcohol (alcohol can be a trigger for me) and do something that makes me happy, and I wasn’t going to text or call ANYONE. I read my book all weekend, blogged, watched my favorite TV show, went for a run. I was still completely emotional and cried through the whole weekend but the most prideful moment of that weekend for me was, I didn’t hurt anyone. I handled the weekend perfectly. I was AWARE and took CONTROL of my actions. I just let my emotions run its course knowing It wouldn’t last more than a couple days and when I was ready to snap out of it, I would. I slept and cried all weekend but that Monday morning, I woke up refreshed and feeling so much better. NOW I know how to handle these situations and will try it again next time. Success!!