Anger

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How do you deal with anger in a positive manner?
As a mental health advocate, I always say, “Take something negative and turn it into something positive.” I have a temper sometimes, it used to be really bad but I have managed to change my perspective and start thinking more positively. I used to think that feeling anger was a bad thing, mainly because my dad was always angry and I hated it. It’s not bad thing, It’s okay to be angry, to feel anger. It’s how you handle that anger that can determine if it’s good or bad. When someone lies to me, I feel angry. That is normal. How I react on that anger could affect myself, my kids and others around me. When I get angry, the first and most important thing I do is try to think rationally. I tell myself that I’m aware I’m feeling angry. Once I’m aware of my feelings or emotions, it’s easier for me to control them. I used to be the type of person to react on my anger before rationally thinking about why I’m angry and how I can change it or make the situation better. Taking a deep breath, going for a ten minute walk, listening to music are things that will calm me down. Once I am calm, it is easier to review the situation and communicate in a clear and positive manner. Don’t let anger consume you or ruin your day, try to focus on the positive.
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12 Tips for Recovering from Emotional pain

By: Luminita D. Saviuc | Pain (any pain–emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: “We would be more alive if we did more of this,” and, “Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.” Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.” ~ Peter McWilliams

Have you noticed how afraid we all are of feeling any emotional pain? And how we would do anything in our power to avoid it? Nobody wants it. We all try to get rid of it. We all try to hide andrun away from it, and the irony is that the more we try to reject and resist it, the more intense it gets and the longer it stays with us.

We all have our ups and downs. We all experience emotional pain from time to time. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It doesn’t mean we’re ‘broken’ or ‘defective’. On the contrary. It only shows that we are human. That we have feelings and emotions.

Today I would like to share with you 12 tips for recovering from emotional pain. So that you cancontinue living your life in peace and harmony and do the things you so much enjoy doing.

1. EMBRACE WITH GRACE ALL THAT YOU FACE.

“Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Let go of any feelings of anger, disgust or frustration you might have towards yourself, your emotional pain and your current reality. Resist nothing. Embrace with grace all that you face. Surrender to what is. Accept what you’re going through. All your thoughts, feelings and frustrations. Accept your emotional pain as if you have chosen it.

2. GIVE YOURSELF TIME.

It takes time to drive out the darkness from our minds and our hearts. It takes time to accept the presence of emotional pain into our lives. So give yourself time. Time to rest, time to heal and time to fully recover. Be gentle with yourself and trust that everything happens exactly as it’s supposed to happen.

3. LET GO OF CONTROL.

“There is a time for being ahead, a time for being behind; a time for being in motion, a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous, a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe, a time for being in danger. The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them. She lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.” ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Please refrain yourself from making comments like: “I have been feeling like this for far too long. I should be fine by now.  Why does it take so long for this pain to be gone?” and so on. Allow things to follow their natural course. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Let go of the need to control the healing process. Let go of the need to speed up your recovery.

4. SUFFER CONSCIOUSLY.

Observe your emotional pain, your anguish and frustrations. Observe the constant stream of negative thoughts that run through your mind. The dreadful stories that keep feeding your pain, but choose not to identify yourself with them. See yourself as the one who’s observing all that emotional pain and all that discomfort. But don’t make the pain part of who you are. Don’t make it your person life story. Don’t claim it as your own.

“Suffering consciously is when you feel, sense and accept the suffering. It is not suffering anymore it is just pain. To be suffering you must have an unhappy me with a story and the world that is doing it to me.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

5. LOVE YOUR PAIN AWAY.

Nobody likes to be in the presence of pain. We all want to get rid of it. To run as far away from it as we possibly can. But there are times when pain demands our presence, our focus and attention. There are times when pain demands to be felt. So take the time to know your emotional pain. To nourish it, to understand it. Don’t curs your pain. Love your pain and it will go away.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King,

6. GIVE TIME, TIME.

“Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.” ~ Regina Brett

It takes time to drive out the darkness from our minds and from our hearts. It takes time to heal our wounds and accept the presence of emotional pain into our lives. So give time, time.

7. SPEND TIME ALONE WITH YOURSELF.

When you love someone, you spend private time with that person, quality time. And in the dark moments of our lives, when pain is present in our hearts and in our minds, spending time alone with ourselves is one of the best gift we can give to ourselves.

Take the time to be alone with yourself. To acknowledge, love and appreciate the parts of you that are beautiful. To love yourself and to know yourself. To rest, time to heal and to fully recover fromall that you are feeling.

“Your light is seen, your heart is known, your soul is cherished by more people than you might imagine. If you knew how many others have been touched in wonderful ways by you, you would be astonished. If you knew how many people feel so much for you, you would be shocked. You are far more wonderful than you think you are. Rest with that. Rest easy with that. Breathe again. You are doing fine. More than fine. Better than fine. You’re doin’ great. So relax. And love yourself today.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

8. REACH OUT FOR HELP AND SUPPORT.

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.” ~ Karl Marx (composer)

Reach out for emotional help and support from those you love and trust. Surround yourself with cheerful and happy people. People who can make you laugh, who can make you see how beautiful life is and who can show you that there’s always something to look forward to.

9. LET NATURE HEAL AND COMFORT YOU.

“One has to be alone, under the sky, Before everything falls into place and one finds his or her own place in the midst of it all. We have to have the humility to realize ourselves as part of nature.” Thomas Merton

Spend more time outdoors and Look outside in nature for evidence of decay, destruction and death. Of rebirth, rejuvenation, and renewal. And remind yourself that you too are part of nature. Allow nature to be your wise friend, teacher and companion. Allow nature to heal and comfort you. To teach you more about the infinite circle of life. About birth, life, death, rebirth and about yourself.

10. CLAIM NOTHING AS YOUR OWN.

Love everything but cling on to nothing. Make peace with this idea that nothing in this life lasts forever, that nothing is yours to keep. Live each day as if it were your last. Each moment as if it were your only moment. Make the best of everything life sends your way and waste no time on arguing against what is.

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

“A person who lives moment to moment, who goes on dying to the past, is never attached to anything. Attachment comes from the accumulated past. If you can be unattached to the past every moment, then you are always fresh, young, just born. You pulsate with life and that pulsation gives you immortality. You are immortal, only unaware of the fact.” ~ Osho

11. TURN YOUR WOUNDS INTO WISDOM.

Every experience that comes your way, comes your way for a reason. Seek to know what that reason is. Seek to learn from every painful experience and every painful interaction life sends your way. Be an alchemist. Turn your wounds into wisdom and your difficulties into opportunities. Let your pain make you better, not bitter.

“Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” ~ Albert Einstein

12. NO PAIN IS FOREVER.

If you’re still alive, if you’re still breathing, it only means that there’s still a lot of life for you out there. A lot of places for you to go to, many new and exciting things to do, to learn and to love.  So pick yourself up. Dust yourself off, and start all over again. Start rebuilding your life and make it ridiculously amazing. Don’t let a bad and painful experience make you feel like you have a bad and painful life. Don’t let a rainy day dampen your fun. Never forget that the Sun always shines abovethe clouds. It’s always up there :)

“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” ~ Joseph Addison

Do you think it’s possible to reach a point in life where you are entirely free of emotional pain?  You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below :)

With all my love,

danas-medium

 

RI Week #2: Life Consists of Trivialities

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“Life consists of trivialities and very little else. If you think of what you worry about, it’s trivialities. Whether you should buy a certain item or not. Whether you should buy it now or wait until the price goes down.  Should you spend money on unnecessary things  or should you save the money? These are trivialities, average happenings.

The average person deals constantly with average happenings, with trivialities. You eat, you sleep, you walk, you go to school, you see friends, you talk on the phone.  That takes up 90 percent of your day, if not 98 percent. Life consists of trivialities mainly. How often does a father die? Once in a lifetime. That’s not a common, average, trivial event. How often does somebody in the family get married, or somebody get born? How often does your house burn down? Whatever you call a big item happens rarely.

These trivialities of everyday life create responses in you. You either don’t notice them because they don’t interest you, or they cheer you because they please you, or they anger you, or scare you. Even the simplest triviality can scare or anger you. In the life of a parent, the fact that a baby cries is a triviality. A thousand things that the baby does are trivialities, but a mother may work herself up over each of these trivialities. The closer a relation is, the more trivialities can irritate, frustrate, anger and scare you.

Trivialities crowd your life, but any one of them may arouse your anger, your fear, your disgust, or your terror. I want you to learn how to deal with trivialities, not to get upset by trivialities. You must learn to handle the trivialities of daily life without temper. If you wish to be trained in this system, be prepared to listen to nothing but trivialities. That’s life.

Life is to get angry at a person who doesn’t look at you, or a person who stares at you, a person who talks too much, or a person who doesn’t talk at all. That’s life. It is also to eat a bad meal or a good meal. If you eat a bad meal, you feel anger. If you eat a good meal, they you feel enjoyment. That’s life. Utterly trivial. ”

 

Wow- If I hear the word trivialities one more time…. haha. To be honest, I get so worked up over the simplest things in everyday life. Being late for work, rushing home to pick up the kids, get upset at the kids for thrashing the house, getting upset with myself if I don’t get the dishes done after dinner. All of these things, ten years from now, I probably wont even remember. So why get worked up over it? Think about it. Lets gain some grateful perspective and enjoy everyday life. 🙂

 

Good group today, it was nice to hear and share stories. Until next week…

 

Day 1: BPD Challenge (Anger)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 1: Think of the last time you were really angry. Why was that?

The last time I was really angry was a couple summers ago. I was living on my own and my boyfriend of three years would stay over frequently. I went out for happy hour with my co-workers after work on a Friday and after discussing with my friends about some hurtful comments that my boyfriend had made to them in the past, I went home and I verbally attacked my boyfriend regarding the hurtful comments that was brought to my attention. I approached him in the worst way possible, didn’t help that I had alcohol in my system either. He hugged me and I immediately said, “NEVER EVER say hurtful things to my friends again!” I didn’t ask if he had said them, I didn’t question why he had said them, and I didn’t get his side of the story. Instead I assumed and attacked.

His response? “Do not come at me like that the moment you get home. I can tell you are very upset and I do not like the way you are approaching this situation. I said those things in a joking matter, they must have taken it seriously. I am going to go stay at my parents house tonight until you calm down and approach this differently.”

Not realizing that I was in the wrong with how I approached him, I got even more angry that he didn’t want to stick around and hash it out. I wanted to get to the bottom of this. Looking back, him leaving WAS a good idea. In the moment, I said hurtful things about how he wouldn’t stick around and talk about anything, I yelled, I put him down, and attacked him verbally. Once he left, I blew up his phone telling him how much I hated him and told him to never come back. That night, I felt alone, scared and even more angry that he hadn’t come back. Why would he? I was crazy. SO, I packed up all his things and dropped it off at his parents house and told him to leave me alone for good. All of this over a silly argument. Why couldn’t I calm myself down and ask myself if maybe he was right and behaving rationally? Deep down, I knew I was wrong for approaching it the way I did, but my emotions and anger got the best of me.

The next day, I chased after him crying my eyes out, apologizing for what I did. He was hesitant, which made me freak out. I didn’t want to leave him or be alone, so why did I react the way I did and drop all of his things off? He knew I struggle with BPD, so we discussed me getting more help. Has anyone read the book, “I hate you – Don’t leave me”? I basically did just that, pushed him away in anger then immediately needed him to stay.

The frustrating part of all this is, we didn’t even resolve the statements made to my friends, because I blew everything out of hand and turned it into a million other issues. I have learned to just breathe and understand that anger isn’t going to solve anything, especially with alcohol in the mix. Today, I would handle a situation like this completely different.

This was the last time, I was extremely angry.

New Challenge: 31 Days of BPD Master List

I saw this and thought this would be an awesome exercise for me as I struggle with BPD.

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 1: Think of the last time you were really angry. Why was that?
  • Day 2: Why did your last friendship end?
  • Day 3: Do you self-harm? If yes, how?
  • Day 4: Have you ever attempted suicide?
  • Day 5: Have you ever written a suicide note?
  • Day 6: How’s your love life?
  • Day 7: Have you ever dissociated? If so, how often?
  • Day 8: Do you have any other diagnoses? Which ones?
  • Day 9: Do you get mood swings?
  • Day 10: What kind of impulsive decisions have you made?
  • Day 11: Is there anything you do that helps keep you grounded?
  • Day 12: What’s your relationship with your family?
  • Day 13: Are you a perfectionist?
  • Day 14: Do you ever become obsessive?
  • Day 15: Have you ever changed your opinions, depending on the people you are with?
  • Day 16: Does your style (clothing, hair, etc.) change a lot?
  • Day 17: What are five of your biggest fears?
  • Day 18: Do you worry what people think of you?
  • Day 19: What are some lyrics that describe what you’re going through right now?
  • Day 20: How do you usually express yourself?
  • Day 21: How many people know about your diagnosis?
  • Day 22: What’s a random story from your childhood?
  • Day 23: How do you think other people see you?
  • Day 24: If you could pick one year of your life to give back and start over, which one would it be?
  • Day 25: What’s one thing you wish non-borderlines could understand?
  • Day 26: Name three fictional characters you relate to.
  • Day 27: Do you have any bad habits?
  • Day 28: Do you consider yourself high-functioning or low-functioning?
  • Day 29: If your mind was a house, what would the house look like?
  • Day 30: What is your “safe place” when you are upset? (This can also be a person.)
  • Day 31: Post a picture of yourself and tell us your story.