Knowledge is Power

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The more research and reading I did on my mental health condition, the better I understood how it all works. Awareness is key! I have a better control over my emotions than ever before thanks to DBT, research and recovery. I’ll admit, once I was diagnosed four years ago and started reading, it was scary to see how complex the disorder was but I was determined to not let fear get in the way of my recovery. I can’t tell you how many times I put this book down in tears wanting to give up. It wasn’t easy but four years later, I can confidently say I no longer meet the criteria in the DSM for Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is recoverable. Recovery is possible and help is out there. Stay strong and keep pushing forward!

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Staying Positive

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How does one stay positive in today’s world?
You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind. Remove the negative things in your life. Negative habits, negative people, negative thoughts about yourself and others. It may seem tough at first but I can assure you, it makes life so much better. I used to brew beer with my ex of three years, it was fun and challenging until the drinking got heavier. My health was taking a turn, and my moods changed with it. It wasn’t a healthy atmosphere for me and I wanted to eliminate it from my life all together. I wanted healthier hobbies that didn’t consist being cooped up in a garage with a group of people trying to start up their new business- great for them, but it wasn’t for me. I ended the relationship to focus on me and my kids. I got rid of an unhealthy, negative and toxic relationship to be healthier and happier. It’s hard to stay positive when you have negative people or habits in your life. You have to put yourself and your mental health first, focus on the now and be mindful. Go after what you want and don’t let negative people, or negative thoughts stop you. Remove those who gossip too much, or talk badly about others. Turn your negative thoughts about yourself into positive thoughts, love yourself and others. Surround yourself around people who challenge you to rise higher, people who inspire you, and make you a better person.

Codependency

What is Codependency?

“Codependency is living the myth that you can make yourself happy by trying to control people and events outside yourself. A sense of control, or the lack of it, is central to everything you do and think.

ie. Jennifer Fortisi is the ultimate supermom. She’s the president of the PTA, Brownie leader, and teachers aide. At church she leads a Bible study and coordinates meals for shut-ins. Her house is spotless, she volunteers at the library, and runs a veritable taxi service from her shining-clean station wagon, shuttling kids to and from ballet, karate, church, clubs, and school activities.

Why would anyone create such a hopelessly overwhelming schedule? Jennifer’s father was an alcoholic. She never knew what love and security felt like. Her parents never attended a single school function. Their house was always full of chaos and confusion. And now Jennifer is trying to fix all those things in her past by being the perfect wife and mother. All her frantic activity leaves her exhausted and depressed, with little emotional energy left for the kind of nurturance and love her children really need. Ironically, unless Jennifer deals with her compulsive need to control everything about her family’s life, her children will grow up with the same sense of abandonment and neglect that marred her own childhood.

Codependency is a generational and cultural epidemic. No less than tens of millions of Americans across two concurrent generations suffer problems of codependency. You are not exempt from the problem. The despair codependency has caused in your life is the reason you decided to pick up this workbook. The term codependency is a tool for your recovery. It is NOT a label or stigma of shame.”


 

I’m going to list below the 10 common traits of codependency:

1. The codependent is driven by one or more compulsions.

2. The codependent is bound and tormented by the way things were in the dysfunctional family of origin.

3. The codependent’s self-esteem is very low.

4. The codependent is certain his or her happiness hinges on others.

5. The codependent feels inordinately responsible for others.

6. The codependent’s relationship with a spouse or significant other person is marred by a damaging, unstable lack of balance between dependence and independence.

7. The codependent is a master of denial and repression.

8. The codependent worries about things he or she can’t change and may well keep on trying to change them.

9. The codependent’s life is punctuated by extremes.

10. The codependent is continually looking for something that is missing in life.

Do any of these traits apply to you?

Is time a great healer?

“Codependency usually will not improve with time. It will not get better tomorrow. It may get worse. Codependency is a vicious cycle. Low self-value drives compulsive relationship patterns. These compulsive patterns ultimately drive away the very persons whose love you so desperately desire. There are steps you can take to help you reverse your descent into misery, but you must take them. They won’t just happen. Much depends on your desire to free yourself from the ghosts of your past – the causes of codependency.”

-Love is a Choice by Dr. Robert Hemfelt


Personally– I am a very codependent person due to my past and dysfunctional family, don’t get me wrong, I love them but growing up was not easy with alcoholic and tempered parents. I find myself in codependent relationships and seeking attention from others more than I should, and I have absolutely no self-esteem. I’m continually working on these issues everyday, I go to therapy every week, my women’s group twice a month and doing a lot of self-help, self-care, self-improvement reading. I’m taking these small steps out of misery.

Below is a video us ladies watched in our women’s group (Sisters Seeking Serenity) yesterday, about codependency.

13 Things To Remember When Life Gets Rough | Article

13 Things to Remember When Life Gets Rough

on 26 July, 2014 at 19:32

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By: Carol Morgan, Life hack | We’ve all gone through hard times. And we all get through them. However, some get through them better than others. So what is their secret? Most of it has to do with attitude. Here are 13 things to remember when life gets rough:

1. What is, is. Buddha’s famous saying tells us: “It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering.” Think about that for a minute. It means that our suffering only occurs when we resist how things are. If you can change something, then take action! Change it! But if you can’t change it, then you have two choices: (1) either accept it and let go of the negativity, or (2) make yourself miserable by obsessing over it.

2. It’s only a problem if you think it’s a problem. Many times, we are our own worst enemy. Happiness is really dependent on perspective. If you think something is a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will be negative. But if you think it’s something you can learn from, then suddenly, it’s not a problem anymore.

3. If you want things to change, you need to start with changing yourself. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Don’t you know people whose lives are chaotic and stressful? And isn’t that largely because they feel chaotic inside? Yes, it is. We like to think that changing our circumstances will change us. But we have it backwards—we need to change ourselves first before our circumstances will change.

4. There is no such thing as failure—only learning opportunities. You should just wipe the word “failure” right out of your vocabulary. All great people who have ever achieved anything have “failed” over and over. In fact, I think it was Thomas Edison who said something like, “I did not fail at inventing the light bulb, I just first found 99 ways that it didn’t work.” Take your so-called “failures” and learn something from them. Learn how to do it better next time.

5. If you don’t get something you want, it just means something better is coming. That’s hard to believe sometimes, I know. But it’s true. Usually, when you look back at your life, you will be able to see why it was actually a good thing that something didn’t work out. Maybe the job you didn’t get would have made you spend more time away from your family, but the job you did get was more flexible. Just have faith that everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to.

6. Appreciate the present moment. This moment will never come again. And there is always something precious about every moment. So don’t let it pass you by! Soon it will just be a memory. Even moments that don’t seem happy can be looked upon as something that you might miss someday. As the country song by Trace Adkins says, “You’re gonna miss this…you’re gonna want this back. You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast….you may not know this now, but you’re gonna miss this…”

7. Let go of desire. Most people live with “attached mind.” What this means is that they attach themselves to a desire, and when they don’t get it, their emotions plummet into negativity. Instead, try to practice “detached mind.” That means that when you want something, you will still be happy whether you get it or not. Your emotions remain happy or neutral.

8. Understand and be grateful for your fears. Fear can be a great teacher. And overcoming fears can also make you feel victorious. For example, when I was in college, I feared public speaking (one of the top 3 fears of all humans). So I find it humorous now that not only do I speak in front of a group every day by being a college professor, I also teach public speaking! Overcoming fears just takes practice. Fear is really just an illusion. It’s optional.

9. Allow yourself to experience joy. Believe it or not, I know way too many people who don’t allow themselves to have fun. And they don’t even know how to be happy. Some people are actually addicted to their problems and the chaos in them so much that they wouldn’t even know who they are without them. So try to allow yourself to be happy! Even if it’s just for a small moment, it’s important to focus on joy, not your hardships.

10. Don’t compare yourself to other people. But if you do compare yourself, compare yourself with people who have it worse than you. Unemployed? Be grateful that you live in a country that gives unemployment compensation, because most people in the world live on less that $750 a year. So you don’t look like Angelina Jolie? Well, I bet there are more people who don’t than do. And you are probably way better looking than than you think. Focus on that.

11. You are not a victim. You need to get out of your own way. You are only a “victim” of your own thoughts, words and actions. No one “does” something to you. You are the creator of your own experience. Take personal responsibility and realize that you can get out of your hard times. You just need to start with changing your thoughts and actions. Abandon your victim mentality and become victorious. From victim to VICTOR!

12. Things can—and do—change. “And this too shall pass” is one of my favorite sayings. When we are stuck in a bad situation, we think that there is no way out. We think nothing will ever change. But guess what? It will! Nothing is permanent except death. So get out of the habit of thinking that things will always be this way. They won’t. But you do need to take some sort of action for things to change. It won’t magically happen all on its own.

13. Anything is possible. Miracles happen every day. Really—they do. I wish I had enough space to write about all the miraculous things that have happened to people I know—from healing stage 4 cancer naturally to having their soul mate appear out of nowhere. Trust me: it happens all the time. You just need to believe it does. Once you do, you have won the battle.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University. She is also the host of ‘A Walk on the WOO Side’ radio show, a motivational expert on the TV show ‘Living Dayton,’ video expert for eHow.com, keynote speaker, and a member of Inspiyr.com’s Expert Network. You can subscribe to her blog, get some life/relationship coaching from her, and check out her books at http://www.drcarolmorgan.com.

Mental Strength

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We live in a fast-paced world. There are fewer guarantees and more uncertainties these days. Thankfully this also means that there are plenty of opportunities, too. People who learn to welcome them as they come are the ones who are keeping up and making progress in the turbulent times we live in today. Usually these people are mentally strong and manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. If you are wondering whether you are a mentally strong person, here are 25 signs that show you have nerves of steel:

1. You avoid conflicts

The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back. Holding grudges has never been a solution to problems, nor has anyone achieved anything out of it. Instead of spending your time hating people who hurt you, you choose to let go of the pain and learn from the incident. Even in the harshest stress factors, you choose to stay calm and you try to handle situations smoothly. You think that raising your voice is a sign of weakness.

2. You don’t judge or envy

You’ve hardly ever made assumptions without first being fully aware of the situation. You avoid believing in the negative stuff that you’ve been told and you don’t resent other people’s success. You celebrate other people’s success and don’t grow jealous when somebody is better than you in a particular area. You know that success comes with hard work and you are willing to work hard for your achievements.

3. You are open to receive the help of others

You are not trapped by your ego. You are not afraid of asking for help if you are in need. You are confident to admit that you don’t know everything and you are open to ask for help in order to learn.

4. You apologize when necessary

You are not worrying about losing face when you apologize when you’ve said or done something wrong. You don’t fear admitting your own mistakes and are ready to suffer the consequences from them. That makes you a responsible and honest human being.

5. You are open to other people’s opinions

You handle different opinions easily- you don’t reject them because you believe that the opposite of what you know may be true for someone else. You embrace diversity and are ready to listen to what everybody has to say.

6. You are selfless

You love helping others and you don’t expect anything in return when you do something good for a friend. You know that a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

7. You know you can’t always please everyone

Although you are a kind and genuine being, you are aware that you can’t always make everyone happy. You know that spending time on yourself is as important as containing a good relationship with the people around you but are willing to say “no” when somebody tries to steal from your time for yourself.

8. You know that the world does not owe you anything

You don’t feel entitled to things in life. You are willing to work hard for achieving your goals and you know that your world is what you make it. You don’t take anything for granted and are thankful for what you have.

9. You embrace change

You don’t try to avoid change and understand that it is inevitable. You welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible because you believe in your abilities to adapt.

10. You follow your heart

You believe that you can’t go wrong by following your heart and instincts. You understand that by doing that, you’re helping your soul grow and you are never sorry for following your heart.

11. You forgive yourself

You know that being angry at yourself is not going to take you far. Instead, you are willing to forgive yourself and by doing that you are able to learn. Leaving the past where it belongs instead of dwelling on it is the key of moving on and making progress.

12. You are financially responsible

You are a responsible human being and know that by spending your money foolishly you are harming your future self.

13. You believe that persistence pays off

You have goals and nothing can distract you from working towards them. Although you may have failed several times, you don’t view failure as a reason to give up. On the contrary- you use failure as an opportunity to grow stronger and improve. You find ways around any obstacle. Giving up just isn’t your thing, but looking for alternatives is.

14. Self-improvement is a way of life

You know that life is about learning new things and you live your life by always trying to improve yourself- whether it is for your job, health or any other area of your life. You agree that if a person stops learning, he is dead.

15. You are taking care of your mind and body

You can’t have a healthy mind without a healthy body. You know that by maintaining a balanced life, you are able to grow stronger and be the best version of yourself. Your body is your mind.

16. You are willing to step away of your comfort zone

You believe that the comfort zone isn’t a good place to be stuck because nothing grows there, so you try to challenge yourself on a daily basis and take calculated risks.

17. You don’t waste energy on things you can’t control

You know that sometimes the only thing you can control is your attitude towards the events in your life. Wasting your energy on things you can’t control is something that doesn’t suit you and know that blaming something that’s beyond your control is useless and silly.

18. You use your time wisely

You value your time and believe that by killing time, it actually is killing you. You fight procrastination and choose to spend your time productively.

19. You handle crisis calmly

You remain calm and clear of thought during a crisis. Good result of anything comes out when it’s done with a peaceful and a calm mind.

20. You are not co-dependent

You don’t rely on others to do your work and by doing so, you maintain a healthy relationship both personally and professionally.

21. You know you are responsible for how your life unfolds

You believe your own happiness and success is a byproduct of your own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.

22. You know that gratitude is the best attitude adjustment

The more goodness you see, the more you create, and the more good things you have to smile about. Happiness doesn’t start when “this, that or the other thing” is resolved. Happiness is what happens now when you appreciate what you have.

23. You know that you don’t have to be perfect

You believe that when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So you don’t fear other people’s judgments because you know in your heart who you really are and are not ashamed to show your real face to the world.

24. You know who you are

You are at peace with yourself and you aware of what you want to achieve. You have certain limits that you’ve established for yourself and you’ve embraced them because you know well that that is who you are.

25. You expect less and learn more

Although things don’t always go as you’ve planned, you’ve realized that this is what life is about. You don’t always get what you’ve wanted and that’s a good thing because you learn from this experience and keep going.

Spotify

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Good Morning!!

One way I express myself is through music. Now, I’m not artistic, I do not play instruments but just listening and singing to music completely changes my mood. Helps me relax.

If you don’t have Spotify, I recommend it! If you have it, click on browse and search for “The Cure for Loneliness”. This album has gotten me through so much being single and often times alone.

-Stay Alive

-Can’t stop Now

-Try Happiness

-Lost and Found

-Somebody Loves You

These are just a few of my favorites. Check it out. 🙂

Lyrics

thoughts

 

Robot Koch – Nitesky Lyrics

No one knows what it’s like
You and me, you and I
Underneath the night sky
You and me, you and I

I get lost all the time
In my thoughts, in my mind
You come through like a light
In the dark, give me sight

If you let my soul out
You let my soul out
You let my soul out
It will come right back to you

If you let my soul out
You let my soul out
You let my soul out
It will come right back to you

I will come right back to you
Come right back
Come right back to you

No one sees what it’s like
You and me, you and I
Never go, never hide
You and me, you and I

If you let my soul out
You let my soul out
You let my soul out
It will come right back to you

If you let my soul out
You let my soul out
You let my soul out
It will come right back to you

If you let my soul out
You let my soul out
You let my soul out
It will come right back to you

If you…

Recovering the Desire to Live

Recovering the Desire to Live

  • Posted on: 14 September 2014
  • By: Leah Harris

“Though my last suicide attempt was 20 years ago, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the eve of my 18th birthday. I left the hospital bewildered, scared, and unsure of what would happen next.

At the time, I didn’t have much of a support system. I remember sitting on a ratty couch with my knees hugged up to my chest, trying to decide whether or not to keep on living. In those moments, something inexplicable inside of me shifted, and the part of me that wanted to live gained just the slightest advantage over the part that wanted to die.

I reached out to my family and begged them to let me come home. I began to complete my high school education. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had something to hold on to, just a hint of solid ground beneath my feet.

Recovering the desire to live has been a long and uneven process since then. If recovery seems like an impossible concept to you as you read this, I understand. I had to take baby steps. I had to swallow my shame and ask for a lot of help. I had to find something, anything, to believe in, no matter how small. I had to work very hard, every day, to keep the part of me that wanted to live stronger than the part that wanted to die. I’ve found relief through cultivating a group of dedicated and supportive friends.

Don’t be ashamed or afraid to tell the truth of what you have known. By doing so, you break down the walls of silence and shame that surround suicide. You can use your own survival story, no matter how messy or uneven or imperfect it may be, to help someone else strengthen the part inside that wants to live. In this way, we can each make this world a safer place to fall apart, and to find ourselves again, in the healing space of supportive community.”

TWLOHA

Not Alone Song

http://open.spotify.com/track/4Whriu4hhnmj9wzEALHUnT

BEN TAYLOR – NOT ALONE LYRICS

So long to wait,
I’m always holding you however far you go away.
You leave,
I stay no matter where you’re wrong,
You know I’m with you all the way.You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.
You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone

I can’t forget
I’m always holding you,
I draw you in with every breath.
Same song, same sky,
So far away I sing along to make the time go by.

You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.
You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.

You may be a lot of things.
You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.

If it’s December and the winters blowing cold,
Just you remember I’ll be warm when you come home.

You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.
You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.

You may be a lot of things.
You may be a lot of things
But you’re not alone,
You’re not alone.