Day 14: BPD Challenge (Obsessive)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 14: Do you ever become obsessive?

Obsession is: Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

I’m going to use an example that my friend and I recently talked about.

8 Years ago I fell head over heels in love with this guy that I worked with; he was funny, witty, charming, sexy, caring and a wonderful father to his son. We had only expressed our “obsessive” feelings for one another and talked for a month. We became so crazy about each other in just a short amount of time. Granted, we had worked together longer but once our feelings were out there, we became obsessed with each other. I had honestly never had such strong feelings for someone in that short amount of time. This guy immediately quit work (without telling me or giving me a heads up) and never spoke a word to me again for 8 years…until two weeks ago. I saw his name pop up on my Pinterest, found him on FB and couldn’t believe it. Apparently we both had been searching for each other on social media for 8 years. We were both in utter shock. I’m glad we found each other and can discuss the past.

One thing he told me upfront was this:

“I was so obsessed with you 8 years ago. I knew you were a good person, you were beautiful, and I wanted to be with you. However, in that month we talked, I hardly knew anything about you as a person. We have addictive and obsessive personalities and tend to act irrationally in relationships.”

He hit it spot on.  I have learned over the years to be more rational and I am learning patience. I thought I’d give this as an example seeing as how fresh it was to me.

Being obsessed isn’t a good thing (my opinion based on personal experience). When I am obsessed with something or someone, I tend to lose sight of who I am as a person. I focus all of my energy into one thing and it isn’t healthy. It’s compulsive, it’s vapidly addicting. I don’t become obsessed with things or people anymore, I am learning to channel my energy evenly amognst everything I care about.

 

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Day 13: BPD Challenge (Perfectionist)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 13: Are you a perfectionist?

YES!! Everything I do has to be perfect. I strive to be the best at everything, especially with things I’m most passionate about. At work and at home, I would rather do things on my own because I know they will get done right. I hate walking into my kitchen with my bowls in the wrong spot, or I can’t find my cup. It sets my mood wrong. I love working as a team for ideas and collaboration, however I’d rather do the work myself. Everything has to be 100%. I tend to focus on my failures more so than my success’, and when I don’t get praise from someone, I feel I didn’t work hard enough and I will push myself to do better next time. This can be a great characteristic in the business environment; my work ethic is pretty great. There are definitely cons to being a perfectionist. If I am not perfect at something or If I do not get praise then this can cause me to be down, depressed and irritable.

perfectionist-image

Day 12: BPD Challenge (Family)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 12: What’s your relationship with your family?

I have a great family. My parents are fairly young; they had me when they were 18. They are still together, married for 28 years now. They used to battle with drug and alcohol addiction when they were young. When they had my siblings and I, they committed to changing their lives and overcoming addiction. They have been sober for 10 years  now. Although I have never done drugs in my entire life, let alone smoked a cigarette, I do drink from time to time and this worries them. My parents are the strongest people I know, they are funny, supportive and only want the best for me.

I have two wonderful younger siblings. My sister, who resides in Austin, Texas and my brother, he lives close by. They are my best friends, they aren’t judgmental and have always been there for me when needed. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful, big family. Every time I am around all of them, it’s a great time and constant laughter.

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Day 11: BPD Challenge (Staying Grounded)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 11: Is there anything you do that helps keep you grounded?

My kids keep me grounded. They are a blessing, without them I would be completely lost and probably making impulsive decisions all the time. They help keep me focused on my priorities. They are a challenge and keep me on my toes, which I love. They are my world. When I don’t have my kids with me, and being alone, I get this over whelming feeling of “I can go do whatever I want right now.” This can hurt me, I can easily spend more money, goof off, not get my chores or homework done because I just want to get out and be free for the night. I have been single for a while now and so when I do not have my kids, I have been pretty good about staying home, saving money, working on my blog, working out, running and doing homework. I notice that at the end of the day, I go to bed feeling happier that I accomplished so many great and healthy things over the course of the day.

Day 10: BPD Challenge (Impulsive Decisions)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 10: What kind of impulsive decisions have you made?

I used to make a lot of impulsive decisions several years ago when I was diagnosed with BPD. I used to cheat and spend money irresponsibly. If I wanted something, I HAD to have it. I had no patience, I was selfish, needy, young and scared. When I came up with an idea, I never took the time to think before acting on it. I would make decisions on the spot. I cheated in my marriage, multiple times, without thinking about the consequences. I did things because they were thrilling and dangerous.

Today, I catch myself wanting to make impulsive decisions. I’m more aware these days. I’m not perfect, sometimes I still buy that dress without thinking and put it on my credit card. However, I do not do this as much as I used to. My problem is, I love spontaneity. I’m a planner by all means, however as a mother of two kids, I find myself wanting to escape and do something fun for myself without planning from time to time. With my history and borderline, this can turn into a major problem for me. I have to be aware and more careful about my decisions or face the brutal consequences.

Do you make impulsive decisions?

Do you tend to think first and act later, or are you prone to impulsive behavior? Or does it depend on the situation? A few questions will give you the answer:

  • Do you plan ahead, or do you make decisions on the spot?
  • Do you feel strong urges to do things that are hard to resist?
  • Do you feel alive only when you are doing something thrilling or dangerous?

Day 9: BPD Challenge (Mood Swings)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 9: Do you get mood swings?

I get mood swings just like any other girl, especially due to PMS. However, sometimes my mood swings can be a lot worst than others especially if I do not stay consistent with my medication. I usually have an awful episode once every couple months and it is always during PMS. During these episodes, I become very irritable, sad, I think everyone is out to get me and talk crap about me. I have this overwhelming fear that everyone hates me. I will cry uncontrollably and push everyone away from me.

My most recent episode was two weeks ago. I couldn’t control my emotions but I did control my actions. I embraced the episode, realized I was very emotional. I took a step back and decided that I was going to cancel all my plans for the weekend (BIG plans that I was so excited about!) and I was going to stay home alone, not have any alcohol (alcohol can be a trigger for me) and do something that makes me happy, and I wasn’t going to text or call ANYONE. I read my book all weekend, blogged, watched my favorite TV show, went for a run. I was still completely emotional and cried through the whole weekend but the most prideful moment of that weekend for me was, I didn’t hurt anyone. I handled the weekend perfectly. I was AWARE and took CONTROL of my actions. I just let my emotions run its course knowing It wouldn’t last more than a couple days and when I was ready to snap out of it, I would. I slept and cried all weekend but that Monday morning, I woke up refreshed and feeling so much better. NOW I know how to handle these situations and will try it again next time. Success!!

#100HappyDays – Challenge

I’ve heard of the 100 Happy Days Challenge, but today I decided to look into it. I think it’s a cute idea!

We live in times when super-busy schedules have become something to boast about. While the speed of life increases, there is less and less time to enjoy the moment that you are in. The ability to appreciate the moment, the environment and yourself in it, is the base for the bridge towardslong term happiness of any human being.

71% of people tried to complete this challenge, but failed quoting lack of time as the main reason. These people simply did not have time to be happy. Do you?
The Challenge is to post a picture of something that makes YOU happy, everyday. It can be anything from a meet-up with a friend to a very tasty cake in the nearby coffee place, from a feeling of being at home after a hard day to a favor you did for a stranger.
 
#100happyday challenge is for you – not for anyone else.
It is not a happiness competition or a showing off contest. If you try to please / make others jealous via your pictures – you lose without even starting.
I am starting my 100 day challenge on Monday, Sept. 1st. via Instagram (kla.fae). I will share a picture of what made me happy everyday and link it to my blog for those of you who do not follow my IG. I encourage you to try it!

🙂

Day 8: BPD Challenge (Diagnoses)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 8: Do you have any other diagnoses? Which ones?

I have no other diagnoses. I was only diagnosed with BPD two years ago and placed on medication (Lamotrigine / Lamictal) 6 months later to help stabilize my moods. The medication has helped me tremendously. It is important to stay on top of your medication daily and ONLY take the amount told my Psychiatrist. From personal experience, when missing a day of my medication, I immediately become irritable and everyone in my family can notice it right away. I have not shown any side effects with this medication.

Other than BPD, I have not been diagnosed with any other disorder.

Day 7: BPD Challenge (Dissociate)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 7: Have you ever dissociated? If so, how often?

I have never dissociated. I really enjoyed this video about Depersonalization.

 

Day 6: BPD Challenge (Love Life)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 6: How’s your love life?

My love life sucks. I am a heart breaker and have destroyed every relationship I’ve been in.  I am currently single for the first time in my life. I have always gone from one relationship to the next since I was 15 years old. I have never had the chance to love myself, or be alone. My current goal is to be single for as long as I possible, taking it month by month. I want to over come my fear of being alone and I want to battle out these episodes alone. I am so tired of hurting people, I am tired of being this way. Deep down, all I want is a healthy, honest, happy relationship. But, I need to be healthy, honest and happy with myself first in order to have a successful relationship later down the road.

I get lonely at times, but I have been keeping myself busy with working out, quit drinking, therapy, this new website of mine, working and spending extra time with my kids working on projects together. I’ve even lost 10 pounds! There has been so much self-pride lately and I hope it stays this way.