Day 10: BPD Challenge (Impulsive Decisions)

I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.  It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness.  All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.

  • Day 10: What kind of impulsive decisions have you made?

I used to make a lot of impulsive decisions several years ago when I was diagnosed with BPD. I used to cheat and spend money irresponsibly. If I wanted something, I HAD to have it. I had no patience, I was selfish, needy, young and scared. When I came up with an idea, I never took the time to think before acting on it. I would make decisions on the spot. I cheated in my marriage, multiple times, without thinking about the consequences. I did things because they were thrilling and dangerous.

Today, I catch myself wanting to make impulsive decisions. I’m more aware these days. I’m not perfect, sometimes I still buy that dress without thinking and put it on my credit card. However, I do not do this as much as I used to. My problem is, I love spontaneity. I’m a planner by all means, however as a mother of two kids, I find myself wanting to escape and do something fun for myself without planning from time to time. With my history and borderline, this can turn into a major problem for me. I have to be aware and more careful about my decisions or face the brutal consequences.

Do you make impulsive decisions?

Do you tend to think first and act later, or are you prone to impulsive behavior? Or does it depend on the situation? A few questions will give you the answer:

  • Do you plan ahead, or do you make decisions on the spot?
  • Do you feel strong urges to do things that are hard to resist?
  • Do you feel alive only when you are doing something thrilling or dangerous?
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