I am doing this 31 days of BPD challenge because of the stigma associated with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is probably one of the last talked about (honestly) and explained from personal experience than any other mental illness. All these prompts have to do with characteristics of BPD, whether to do with specific symptoms and criteria of the illness or vague questions about items that are related to the illness, ex questions about specific relationships.
- Day 2: Why did your last friendship end?
My last friendship ended because I found out my girlfriend was having an affair, cheating on her husband, with someone she worked with. As someone that has cheated in the past, I worked really hard to earn trust and forgiveness in those I hurt, and myself. I went to a number of therapy sessions, read books and changed my lifestyle completely to avoid going back down that road again. This girlfriend of mine was in my life when I cheated, saw what I went through, and the struggle it was to get back on my feet. Yet, the sweetest, most innocent (or so I thought) person I knew, was cheating on her husband of 10 years and decided to talk to me about it. I didn’t take this lightly. What is she thinking?
While I was trying to get back on my feet, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. After research and learning what a challenge that was going to be, I knew I didn’t want to associate myself around people like her anymore. This was a tough decision for me as our kids were close and she was the closest friend I had. I didn’t know if I was making the right decision. If it hurts to lose a best friend, imagine what it would feel like to lose your husband and your kid. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to help her. I tried to get her to understand that she needed help, to talk to someone, to tell her husband and start working on herself. Guilt is the worst, it will eat you alive. Who wants to live that way? I sure didn’t. She didn’t want to take my advice and I didn’t want to hear about it, and I certainly didn’t want to be her excuse to leave the house just to text her boyfriend all night. So I walked away from the friendship. I didn’t talk bad about her, I told her I would be there if she ever decided to get help, but in the meantime I wanted away from something that I once struggled with. Did I make the right decision? I don’t know. I miss her everyday.